College football hasn't finished week zero and ESPN already mocked the 2027 NFL Draft, computer-generated order and all, with Mel Kiper and Field Yates arguing about a Notre Dame quarterback with 28 career starts like he's already in shoulder pads on Sundays.

The absurdity writes itself. Dante Moore goes first overall to Miami while Malik Willis hasn't played a snap. Arch Manning lands second to the Jets, with Kiper noting that actual Jets fans didn't even want him during recruiting. CJ Carr goes third to Cleveland off two seasons of starts, and Jeremiah Smith slides all the way to four in Arizona, a placement so egregious Kiper later admitted he staged the whole fake-out on Yates for effect, since the real answer is Jeremiah Smith is the best player in the draft, full stop. Colin Simmons rounds out the top five to Las Vegas, an edge rusher with 21 and a half sacks in two college seasons.

Picks six through ten kept the chaos rolling. Six, Leonard Moore, cornerback, Notre Dame, to the Titans, a three-star recruit nobody ranked turning into a top-ten lock in Kiper's head. Seven, Dylan Stewart, edge rusher, South Carolina, to the Panthers, a guy Kiper argues was banged up all year and still projects as a double-digit sack finisher healthy. Eight, Ellis Robinson, cornerback, Georgia, to the Saints, a dice roll on pure talent. Nine, Darian Mensah, quarterback, Miami, to the Falcons, Yates admitting outright he's reaching because Atlanta simply has no answer at the position. Ten, Cam Coleman, receiver, Auburn to Texas, to the Giants, pairing with Malik Nabers.

If you need a betting angle from a mock draft nobody can wager on, it's this: Kiper and Yates both shrug at "national championship or bust" being the public line on Arch's Texas and Dante Moore's Oregon, and futures markets already have both schools priced like contenders. Fade the mock, not the vibes. This is a very fun way to lose a Tuesday.